Chapter 47 Chen Wen-Jin’s Message

Dingzhu-Zhuoma wanted to see me?

I looked at Tashi in confusion. I had never spoken or communicated with the old lady before, and had hardly even seen her around camp. Why did she suddenly want to see me?

But Tashi’s expression was very serious, and his manner was very imposing, as if refusing to see his grandmother warranted a death sentence. Seeing my confusion, he whispered, “Please come with me. It’s very important.”

I stared blankly at him for a moment, but looking at his expression, I knew that I couldn’t refuse so I nodded and got up. He immediately turned around and motioned for me to follow him.

The place where Dingzhu-Zhuoma was resting was far from us and separated by a row of parked jeeps, probably because we were too noisy. I walked about two hundred meters before reaching their bonfire, and saw that neither Dingzhu-Zhuoma nor her daughter-in-law were sleeping. They were sitting by the bonfire on thick felt blankets that were spread on the ground. The fire was burning brightly, so I was able to see that another person was sitting on the blankets with them. When I took a closer look, I was even more surprised—the person was none other than Poker-Face.

His back was to me so I couldn’t see his expression, but under the flickering firelight, I found that Dingzhu-Zhuoma’s expression looked a little sinister. I walked to the edge of the bonfire, feeling confused and intrigued. Why did the old lady secretly call for us in the middle of the night?

Tashi motioned for me to sit down, and then the old woman’s daughter-in-law handed me a cup of butter tea. I thanked her and took it before glancing at Poker-Face, who was sitting beside me. I noticed that he was also looking at me, but there was a hint of surprise in his eyes.

Tashi then looked in the direction of the camp behind us and whispered something to Dingzhu-Zhuoma in Tibetan. The old woman nodded and suddenly spoke to us in heavily accented Mandarin, “I have a message for you two.”

Poker-Face and I didn’t say a word. In fact, I was a little confused—who was this message from? But Poker-Face’s expression didn’t change as he lowered his head and took a sip of tea, and I didn’t feel comfortable asking, so I decided to wait and listen.

Dingzhu-Zhuoma eyed us before continuing, “The person who asked me to deliver this message is called Chen Wen-Jin. I believe you guys know of her. She asked me to pass a message to you.”

I froze in shock. At first, I thought I had heard wrong, but just as I was about to start asking questions, Dingzhu-Zhuoma said, “When Chen Wen-Jin asked me to send those videotapes, she had already anticipated that this would happen. She said that if you came to find Tamu-Tuo using the contents of the notebook, then I was to tell you that she’d wait for you there for a while, but…” Tashi held up his watch in front of the old woman’s face. She glanced at it and said, “You don’t have much time. Starting today, she’ll wait for you for ten days. But if you’re not there, she’ll go in by herself. You’ll need to hurry.”

I was feeling even more confused now. What’s going on? I asked myself. Destination? Chen Wen-Jin is waiting for us at Tamu-Tuo? This… My mind froze and I looked at Poker-Face—amazingly enough, he also looked surprised. But after a few seconds, he returned to his normal indifferent state.

He then raised his head and looked at Dingzhu-Zhuoma before asking, “When did she tell you this?”

“I was only to pass on the message,” Dingzhu-Zhuoma said coldly. “I don’t know anything else, so don’t ask. There are too many people here, too many ears.” As soon as she said that, we all reflexively looked towards the camp.

Poker-Face frowned slightly and asked, “Is she ok?”

Dingzhu-Zhuoma gave an enigmatic smile, “You’ll find out if you make it in time.” Then she waved her hand, and the daughter-in-law beside her helped her up and started moving them towards her tent. It seemed that she was done talking to us.

I made a move to stop her, but Tashi held me back with a shake of his head, silently telling me that it was useless.

But at that moment, Dingzhu-Zhuoma suddenly turned back and said to us, “By the way, there’s one more thing that I forgot to tell you.”

When we all looked at her, she said, “She also told me to tell you that ‘it’ is among you. You guys should be careful.”

After saying that, she turned back around and went into her tent, leaving me and Poker-Face sitting in front of the fire in shocked silence.

I glanced at him, but he was staring into the flames, seemingly lost in thought. “What the hell is going on?” I asked him. “Why was that message meant for us?”

Instead of answering, he just closed his eyes and moved to stand up.

Seeing his indifferent attitude, all those unanswered questions suddenly flooded my mind and I lost control—I grabbed him and said, “You’re not going anywhere!”

He turned his head and looked at me with expressionless eyes but didn’t actually leave. In fact, he sat back down and looked at me.

His behavior was very abnormal. I thought that he would walk away, so seeing him actually sit back down left me feeling stunned and at a loss for words. As he continued to look at me, he asked, “What do you want?”

When I heard this, I immediately became furious, “I have some questions for you. Stop running away and answer them.”

He turned and looked at the fire before saying, “I can’t.”

Feeling even more pissed off, I shouted, “Damn it, why?! Why can’t you answer?! You’ve been messing with us again and again but won’t even give a reason! What do you take us for?!”

He suddenly turned and looked at me, his face a cold mask, “Don’t you think you’re being ridiculous? This is my business, why should I have to tell you anything?”

I mumbled something unintelligible and then fell silent, realizing that he was right. This was indeed his business, and he didn’t have to tell me anything at all.

The atmosphere suddenly became awkward, but I didn’t know what to say.

After a long silence, Poker-Face took a sip of his cold butter tea and suddenly said to me, “Wu Xie, why are you coming with us? You shouldn’t be involved in this matter. Your Uncle Three has already pulled you in enough. This isn’t your mess to deal with.”

I sat there stunned—he’d just spoken thirty words in a row. Hearing him talk that much was such a rare occurrence that all I could do was stare at him. But as I looked at his expression, I still couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.

“I don’t want to, either. In fact, my request is very simple. I’ll only be appeased once someone tells me what’s going on. But since no one will tell me, it looks like my only option is to get involved,” I said to him.

Poker-Face looked at me and asked, “Have you ever thought about why they don’t want you to know the truth?”

I looked him in the eyes and suddenly realized that he was finally taking me seriously. I couldn’t help but feel surprised—did this guy take the wrong medicine or something?

But then again, maybe he’d actually tell me something this time? I gave him an equally serious look and then shook my head, “I haven’t thought about it. I don’t even know where to start.”

“You know, sometimes people lie to protect others,” he said calmly. “There are some truths that are impossible to bear.”⁽¹⁾

“Whether or not that person can bear it is up to them,” I replied. “Maybe they don’t want to be protected. Maybe knowing is the only way they can die happy. Do you understand the pain of not knowing anything?”

Poker-Face didn’t respond, and the two of us sat in silence for a while before he eventually said, “I understand.” Then he looked at me and added, “But I understand a lot better than you do. I have many more questions than you, but I don’t have anyone to grab and ask like you.”

I suddenly remembered that he had lost his memory, and I wanted to slap myself—compared to his problems, mine were nothing.

“I am a person with no past or future,” he continued. “All I do is try to find my connection with this world. Where did I come from? Why am I here?” He looked at his hands before continuing in that same calm voice, “Can you imagine what it’s like to be someone like me, with no one to notice if I disappear from this world? To be gone without a trace, as if I never existed? I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder if I really exist, or if I’m just a phantom of a person.”⁽²⁾

I didn’t know what to say at first, but after thinking about it I said, “Don’t be so dramatic. If you disappeared, at least I’d notice.”

He shook his head—I wasn’t sure why—and then stood up and said to me, “Maybe one day, when I get the answers I’m looking for, I’ll tell you all about them. But you won’t get the answers to your questions by grabbing me. Right now, this whole thing is also a mystery to me. I think you have enough mysteries of your own to worry about. You don’t need any more.” Then he started walking back to the camp.

“Can you at least tell me one thing?” I called after him.

He stopped, turned his head, and looked at me.

“Why did you enter the bronze door?” I asked him.

He thought for a moment before saying, “I was just doing what Wang Zanghai did.”

“Then what did you see in there?” I asked. “What was behind the giant door?”

He turned, brushed the sand from his clothes, and said to me, “I saw the Ultimate—the Ultimate of all things.”

“The Ultimate?” I was confused and wanted to keep asking him, but he just gave me a faint smile, motioned for me not to speak, and said to me, “In any case, I’m on your side.” Then he slowly walked away, leaving me standing there all alone. I immediately plopped down on the sand, suddenly overcome with a splitting headache.

<Chapter 46><Table of Contents><Chapter 48>

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TN Notes:

(1) Poker-Face out here like:

(2) Oof, my heart