Chapter 42 I’m Still Hopeless. Please Forgive Me

I finished the last chapter on the plane. I wanted to write more about them walking around, but no matter how I wrote it, I could only stop at that place. (Originally known as: died one meter away)

I had a strange idea that as long as I wrote a few more words, there wouldn’t be any emotions stuck in my throat, or that blank feeling after the last sentence appeared. But I needed this feeling. It’s like that feeling you get when the scene ends, the screen suddenly goes black, and then the music and end credits start. There’s no need to wait for the lights to come back on, but you can’t get up and leave.

No, actually, I can’t write.

In the last chapter, after so many years of figurative language and inspiration, I knew all the skills needed to make people cry at the end.

But I can’t write any more. You can see how exhausted I am by looking at the last sentence. I’m really exhausted. After typing thousands of words, my fingers feel like huge weights, and they can’t take it anymore.

As an untrained writer, God must have used my fingers to type this book, for as I was writing, I was always in a panic, fearing that others would find out that I was actually a layman. I did everything to try and hide it, and it’s a miracle I could come this far. I admit that I really can’t write well, but I’ve run out of steam and can’t write another word.

I’m 33 years old, and I’ve been writing my debut work for ten years. Forgive me for blanking in the end. The lingering emotions are still there, but I’m already a meter away from becoming a dried-up skeleton.

Sometime in the future, my slogan will probably be: “The pits are still there!” because Sand Sea 3 & 4 and Tibetan Sea Flower 2 haven’t been published after being revised. Since they’ll be published eventually, I didn’t want to keep you in suspense. The pit has been filled a little, but there are still some unfilled ones, so don’t have any illusions about me. I still dare not write about some of the ideas I had for filling the holes. I only dare to write about them in my dreams.

In fact, I had been thinking about this “Ten Years Later” story on the drawing board for a long time, but after scribbling it out hastily, many of the sentences were incomprehensible. It’s not a published story, after all, and hasn’t been revised numerous times. There are still a lot of pieces of logic hidden in it, but you don’t have to worry about them.

At this time, I don’t know what to do. I always felt regretful and apologetic for how “Grave Robbers’ 8” ended. It’s a pity I’ve been drawing a blank for ten years. I’m so sorry. I always feel like the book shouldn’t be like this, but should be better.

Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of talent or skill. I’m just a layman, damn it. It’s really not fair.

However, the green hills do not change and the clear waters will keep flowing. I hope to see you soon. (1)

<Chapter 41> <Table of Contents><Chapter 43>

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TN Notes:

(1) This either came from Bai Juyi’s “Farewell” poem, or Lu Guimeng’s “Parting” poem (or neither lol), I can’t tell. They were both Tang Dynasty poets.