Chapter 3 Opening 3: A Banquet for Adults

I went to the banquet alone that evening.

The old man actually looked to be about the same age as my dad. I could see from his figure that he simply looked older and that he was actually a lot younger than his appearance let on. He was probably around fifty years old.

He was very thin and had thick, gray hair. He was also wearing a shirt that not many people here in Fujian would wear, but old men in Jiangxi didn’t wear this style, either. I had only seen people in government agencies wear this kind of attire. When he smiled politely at me, I knew that he didn’t know that I was one of the people who got picked up by the UFO.

The village secretary had accompanied us, but he didn’t dare look me in the eye. I knew that he was a traitor because my landlord had also come.

Once we sat down and exchanged a few pleasantries, the village secretary began ruminating over how to tell me about this matter. He made several opening remarks, the first of which was an explanation that the village’s income hadn’t met expectations. The village committee wanted to implement a better plan because they thought that the business format of a farmhouse didn’t conform to the idea of “grand tourism”, but they didn’t dare tell me for fear that I would be under too much pressure. Luckily, a big boss who could take over for me had showed up, so if I changed my profession now, not only could I improve their performance issues, but I wouldn’t suffer much of a loss either. Otherwise, I might lose everything if the committee decided to ban my farmhouse one day.

The old man offered assurances and guaranteed to double my investment as long as I gave my land up to him.

He had a very pleasant attitude, which made me think that he was the kind of guy who believed that everything had a price and could be negotiated. I knew that I would be bombarded endlessly by his obsession if I gave him the impression that there was a chance.

I had heard that a businessman in the United States took a fancy to a house owned by an old Jewish couple. In order to buy the house, the businessman had dinner with the old couple every week and served them until they died.

If I ever met someone who wanted to have dinner with me every week, they’d be buried in my courtyard by the third week.

“But if I do that, then where do I park my UFO?” I asked the old man.

He froze for a moment and then looked at the village secretary, who was also stunned, “U—what?”

“UFO,” I said seriously.

The old man was obviously very confused because I, a normal person, had suddenly said something crazy.

“Is UFO the name of your farmhouse? Isn’t it called Xilaimian?”

“The UFO is my means of transportation. It runs on coal.” I drank a mouthful of beer.

At this time, the village secretary finally came to his senses, “Hey, Wu Xie, if you’re not satisfied with the price, just tell us how much you want. Why did you have to say something so strange?”

“I’m not kidding.” I then looked at the old man and asked him, “Has your life been smooth sailing so far?”

The old man was at a loss for words yet again. At this time, I suddenly took out Fatty’s flashlight and turned it on.

The light made the whole dining room look like a nuclear explosion had gone off. I waved the flashlight around a few times as everyone staggered away from it. After I turned it off, everyone was temporarily blinded so I grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds and walked out.

People who believed that everything would work out with simple communication were most afraid of people who behaved in a disorderly fashion. Moreover, the old man seemed very gentle, so I believed that he wasn’t bold enough to be aggressive. But if he was, I definitely wouldn’t be afraid of him, either.

On the way back, I was still in a bit of a foul mood just at the thought of being neighbors with this kind of person in the future. But this place definitely had a kind of magic to it. When I saw the rice fields by the side of the road and the sunset in the distance, I suddenly forgot all about what had happened just now.

In the end, the old man simply withdrew his offer. I was brushing my teeth the next day when the village secretary came over and asked me, “What are you going to do about this? I won’t be able to meet my quota again. If you don’t give him your land to build the parking lot, he can’t operate his business.”

“Give me the land,” I said to him.

“Do you really have a UFO?”

I looked at him and smiled. At this time, Poker-Face came over carrying the street cat he had caught last night. He got on the motorcycle, preparing to release it somewhere forty kilometers away.

The street cat was completely subdued now. Poker-Face gave me a subtle acknowledgment before driving away.

I spit out the water in my mouth as the village secretary looked at me angrily. I also looked at him until he suddenly said, “Well, if a business doesn’t work out, then you can take the land and plant something there. Whatever the case, just don’t leave it empty.”

<Chapter 2><Table of Contents><Chapter 4>


Translated by: Yvette
Edited by: merebear226


5 thoughts on “Chapter 3 Opening 3: A Banquet for Adults

  1. I really like this story. Thank you for translating it! I feel like every adventure where they only have to deal with humans always goes a lot smoother than anything with an undead. And a lot less injuries too. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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